I have been extremely busy planning the wedding and trying to balance all the other things going on in my life. But planning the wedding and writing my vows has left me thinking a lot on where I am in my life and where I was. It's amazing to look at me now compared to who I was two years ago. Two years ago, I was a miserable girl who felt trapped and as though there was no way out of a horrible situation I had put myself into. At 19, without much thought, I rushed into a marriage with someone I didn't know. Someone I still don't know. I had this false security and felt that I needed someone to love me in order for me to love myself and to be happy. I thought he loved me, I thought he'd never cheat on me, and I felt safe in that but I was wrong about it all. I ran forward with him, and unlike anything I had ever done before, I put little thought into that decision. It was a disaster from the start. I grew to hate myself more than I did before, I lost myself more and more over time in a poisonous relationship, and we spent more time hurting one another than doing what we had vowed to do. Needless to say, when I pulled myself out of that situation, I was on a mission to find myself, to love myself, and just be happy being me. I finally realized I didn't need a man to show me what I have to offer. I knew I had a lifetime ahead of me and so many dreams to conquer. During that time alone, I was so happy with myself. I spent time focusing on me and what I needed and really felt that things couldn't get better than they were right then.
I felt that way, until I ran into the man I will marry in less than two months. He showed me what it was like to have someone stand beside you, rather than in front of you or behind you. We had our ups and downs, but I knew we had what it took to make it forever. We just needed to overcome the obstacles that were ahead of us and then it would all be worth it. As I sat writing my vows, I had to really think about all of the things that attracted me to him and all the things that make me want to spend my life with him. The number one thing: I can't picture myself beside any other person when all of my dreams come true. He makes me laugh more than anyone ever has and it breaks his heart to see me sad or hurt. I know that he would do anything for me, and I know he loves me more than anyone ever could. Most importantly, I love him more than I could ever imagine loving someone other than the family I was born into. What I love the most is that he is my best friend. He's always there to listen and always there to give me advice. I am still excited every time I see him after I've been away, I hate every moment that I don't have him to share with me, and I smile as much, if not more now, as I did in the beginning of our relationship. I know with the obstacles we have overcame and the strength of our love that we have what it takes to work together to make our lifetime together the best it could possibly be. A marriage is work and never comes easy. The success of our relationship is equally important to both of us and we are partners in everything we do. For once in my life, I have a partner who sees me the way I do and loves me for who I am, and I can't wait to share our wedding day with our family and friends.
These lyrics describe perfectly how I feel:
I never had no one
I could count on
I've been let down so many times
I was tired of hurtin'
So tired of searchin'
'Til you walked into my life
It was a feelin'I'd never known
And for the first timeI didn't feel alone
You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closerI fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
You're my best friend, oh yeah
You stand by me
And you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy
You're right there to save me
You make me see how much I have
And I still tremble
When we touch
And oh the look in your eyes
When we make love
You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
And I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
You're my best friend
You're more than a lover
There could never be another
To make me feel the way you do
Oh we just get closer
I fall in love all over
Everytime I look at you
And I don't know where I'd be
Without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
