about marrying my best friend

I have been extremely busy planning the wedding and trying to balance all the other things going on in my life. But planning the wedding and writing my vows has left me thinking a lot on where I am in my life and where I was. It's amazing to look at me now compared to who I was two years ago. Two years ago, I was a miserable girl who felt trapped and as though there was no way out of a horrible situation I had put myself into. At 19, without much thought, I rushed into a marriage with someone I didn't know. Someone I still don't know. I had this false security and felt that I needed someone to love me in order for me to love myself and to be happy. I thought he loved me, I thought he'd never cheat on me, and I felt safe in that but I was wrong about it all. I ran forward with him, and unlike anything I had ever done before, I put little thought into that decision. It was a disaster from the start. I grew to hate myself more than I did before, I lost myself more and more over time in a poisonous relationship, and we spent more time hurting one another than doing what we had vowed to do. Needless to say, when I pulled myself out of that situation, I was on a mission to find myself, to love myself, and just be happy being me. I finally realized I didn't need a man to show me what I have to offer. I knew I had a lifetime ahead of me and so many dreams to conquer. During that time alone, I was so happy with myself. I spent time focusing on me and what I needed and really felt that things couldn't get better than they were right then.

I felt that way, until I ran into the man I will marry in less than two months. He showed me what it was like to have someone stand beside you, rather than in front of you or behind you. We had our ups and downs, but I knew we had what it took to make it forever. We just needed to overcome the obstacles that were ahead of us and then it would all be worth it. As I sat writing my vows, I had to really think about all of the things that attracted me to him and all the things that make me want to spend my life with him. The number one thing: I can't picture myself beside any other person when all of my dreams come true. He makes me laugh more than anyone ever has and it breaks his heart to see me sad or hurt. I know that he would do anything for me, and I know he loves me more than anyone ever could. Most importantly, I love him more than I could ever imagine loving someone other than the family I was born into. What I love the most is that he is my best friend. He's always there to listen and always there to give me advice. I am still excited every time I see him after I've been away, I hate every moment that I don't have him to share with me, and I smile as much, if not more now, as I did in the beginning of our relationship. I know with the obstacles we have overcame and the strength of our love that we have what it takes to work together to make our lifetime together the best it could possibly be. A marriage is work and never comes easy. The success of our relationship is equally important to both of us and we are partners in everything we do. For once in my life, I have a partner who sees me the way I do and loves me for who I am, and I can't wait to share our wedding day with our family and friends.

These lyrics describe perfectly how I feel:

I never had no one

I could count on

I've been let down so many times

I was tired of hurtin'

So tired of searchin'

'Til you walked into my life

It was a feelin'I'd never known

And for the first timeI didn't feel alone

You're more than a lover

There could never be another

To make me feel the way you do

Oh we just get closerI fall in love all over

Everytime I look at you

I don't know where I'd be

Without you here with me

Life with you makes perfect sense

You're my best friend

You're my best friend, oh yeah

You stand by me

And you believe in me

Like nobody ever has

When my world goes crazy

You're right there to save me

You make me see how much I have

And I still tremble

When we touch

And oh the look in your eyes

When we make love

You're more than a lover

There could never be another

To make me feel the way you do

Oh we just get closer

I fall in love all over

Everytime I look at you

And I don't know where I'd be

Without you here with me

Life with you makes perfect sense

You're my best friend

You're my best friend

You're more than a lover

There could never be another

To make me feel the way you do

Oh we just get closer

I fall in love all over

Everytime I look at you

And I don't know where I'd be

Without you here with me

Life with you makes perfect sense

You're my best friend

about my happiness

Lately, I have been spending a great deal of time thinking about what exactly I want to take out of life. Everyone has material things they want for, but I've been thinking more about what I need. I want a nice house, a well paying job, and nice things for my family, but these are not things that will define true happiness for me. They just make this life we live more luxurious. I'm thinking more of the people, the achievements, the life lessons, and the path I take. I look around at my life and know whatever it is I'm looking for, I'm on the right track. In the past, I have been my own worst enemy. I have made life-changing decisions with little to no thought about the consequences of the actions. Sure we live and learn, right? However, as I made those decisions, something in my gut told me I was crazy and to turn around running in the opposite direction. Did I listen? Of course not! Do you know me?! I am stubborn, independent, and if I'm told I can't do something, I will do everything in my power to prove the person who told me so wrong. My past is my past and I have learned from those decisions, but I am quite proud of where I have came out and the decisions I have made in the last two years of my life. I made the hardest decision I ever had to make two years ago, and it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to me. I was at peace with my decision and finally learning what it felt like to love myself, flaws and all, and trust myself with doing what is best for my daughter, as well as myself. It turned out to have a great deal of consequences, but I've come out stronger and on top. I met the man of my dreams during that period. No he was not perfect and no he did not ride in on a white horse. That wasn't what I was looking for. When you seek perfection, you often come out vastly disappointed and looking for something else. I found the person who loved me with everything he could and did everything he could to make me happy. Like any other relationship, there were bumps along the way, but what I am proud of his how we overcame those bumps and the relationship we have today. I still look at him every day and can't help but smile. I also can't understand how I could possibly love him more tomorrow, but I often find that I do. And our children...the one thing we can both say we did right. At times, they seem to be more than we can handle, but they truly are amazing kids. Caitlin is witty and one of the sweetest girls I have ever met. Brock is just like his daddy inside and out. Peyton is trying and stubborn, but she has such a big heart and when she's sweet, almost makes me forget she was just tearing up the house! All of them make us laugh and I have no doubt we will always be proud of them. Their smiles and personalities are the best you can get. They're all funny and very happy children. So, as I've been thinking, I've realized that is all I need. I have everything I need right with me. A man that makes me smile and laugh all the time and children that are going to grow into amazing adults (hopefully not too soon!). I want to live my life happy and surrounded by those that I care about most. It just so happens that those that I care about most make me happier than I've ever been. And the path I want to take along the way...I want to help other people get over the disappointments of their past and find what makes them happy in life. Not everyone's happiness is defined the same way, but everyone deserves to be happy. Albert Camus said, "But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?"